Struggling with Meaninglessness

I clicked on my blog category – Atheism and realized I have not written anything about Atheism in this blog for the past 6 months. And yes, that was exactly the day I vowed not to write about Atheism anymore in my post Thank You Alter Ego and I can’t believe I actually kept my words.

The reason why I stopped writing about atheism, was not because I thought I was wrong. In fact two of my most logically constructed essays were about the improbability of God’s existence.

• http://ronnyeo.wordpress.com/2008/05/13/on-the-concept-of-infinity-and-irrationality/
• http://ronnyeo.wordpress.com/2008/10/09/applying-multi-dimensional-thinking-to-atheism/

I, objectively and subjectively, believe atheism is the truth. However, I do not want to go to the extend of being obsessed by the beliefs and that’s why, I have stopped writing about atheism.

How do I see religion?

I see religion‘s existence as something inevitable to human civilization. Borrowing an idea from Sigmund Freud, religion plays a pivotal role in human’s growth, civilization, culture and mental development. Without it, we would not have became civilized as there will be nothing to ‘control’ the masses and to move us to a common direction. Sure, our history wasn’t pretty as plenty of people has been sacrificed in the name of religion. But more importantly, we are here today because of the things which human have gone through in the history.

Therefore, this thought was exactly why I gained certain acceptance towards religion’s existence which I once opposed fervently. Religion has to happen along the process. Just like to have a gun, bow need to exist first. Or to have a car, we first need wheels to exist. To have light bulb, we first need to know how to manipulate fire. It is all in the long chain of causes and effects. For a baby to grow up, he needs to learn how to walk first. A baby walker is a fine tool to help the baby to learn walking. But as we know, once the child fully learns how to walk, the baby walker will eventually become obsolete. The baby walker is part of the process to help a child grow.

With this realization, I stop being obsessed with atheism.

The danger of being obsessed.

The reason why I brought up atheism again in this post is to highlight one very important point here – Obsession is dangerous. The day I realized I’m obsessed with atheism, I know I must kick it away.

I owe this mini-enlightenment of mine to a theory I conceived – I call this little discovery of mine – The Flake Theory.

I find it hard to summarize properly in words the idea of this in simple short sentence due to my limited vocabulary. So, I will try my best to explain the process instead.

Let’s look at the picture above. First we see an entity which have many branches spanning all over the places – I will call it mind-network. In the centre of the mind-network, we have the Core. Core is the point of origin – the state where the ‘energy’ will rest when in idle/emptiness. This ‘energy’ is basically like a drone which function to carry information. When we request the mind to start thinking, the energy will begin to explore various paths. When we need to think deeper, the energy will go on and dig deeper down the rabbit hole. The energy will relentlessly explore the mind-network to search for ideas/solutions/answers. This energy could disperse to different places simultaneously. We can explore the left side of the mind-network, the right side, top and bottom at the same time. When we are done with our thinking, the energy will return back to the Core. This is when we stop doing hard thinking.

However, there are other times when we decide to linger too long and stay in one particular region of the mind-network maze . When the energy resides in certain part of the mind-network for a long period, the energy will begin to have the habit of residing there and reluctant to return back to the Core. Slowly, this energy will recall other dispersed energy and gradually the energy will converge and remain in one particular area. Our mind always focus on where the energy is strongest, hence, when there is a strong energy trapped in one region, so will our mind trapping along with it. And that’s why some people are obsessed with beliefs -They were mentally trapped.

Perhaps an example will give more clarity to what I’m trying to say. 

Let’s say I start a cult, spreading the belief that water on earth is actually dragon’s spit. According to the ‘prophecy’, if we don’t worship the dragon, It will become angry and will stop spitting at us, hence bringing draught seasons to our puny world. This illusion of fear, thus will attract a group of curious people. They weren’t really convinced at first, the energy in their mind is still well dispersed between believing and being skeptical. But as they become more superstitious, the energy in the believing region will start to attract all the energy from the skeptic region. Gradually, the energy will accumulate and converge in believing region. Hence, the process from a skeptic to confused to a believer.

As these believers become more and more convinced, the energy will focus more and more in the particular region, thus reinforce and align itself with the belief of dragon’s existence. The energy finds its comfort zone within the region. For instance, the energy will gradually reside permanently in the red circle region in the graphic above and refuse, or couldn’t, return to the Core. These believers now have become obsessed with the beliefs.

Every morning, the moment they wake up from sleep, the mind will automatically focus on the energy’s position. Therefore, the first thing which always come to the mind of these believers the moment they are awake is the image of the divine dragon. When they let their mind wander while taking a shower, the mind will automatically and unconsciously focus on the energy in that region, again. When they surf the internet, the energy will push them to find evidence to support the idea [ water = dragon spit ] to reinforce their beliefs. Whenever they talk to their friends, they try to convince their friends that water was created by dragon’s spit. To these believers, people who reject dragon’s existence is an idiot. The dragon is the Truth.

From a simple 3 or 4 branches of paths, over time the region will keep expand and expand, thus becoming a more complex network as these believers devote enormous amount of time focusing the energy in the region. Believers start to create more and more complex stories, theories, speculations about the dragon. They dedicate their life to the illusion of dragon – They are officially and royally trapped in the network region of their mind. They no longer could understand other counter-perspectives because the energy refuse to explore other parts of the mind – It just want to stay in the comfort zone. 

Analogy and Meditation

I observed there are two kind of dog owners who exhibit different behaviours when taking their dogs for an evening walk. The first one is a strict owner. He will determine the route of where he will want to go and the dog will have to obey him. Another kind of dog owner is the one who usually gives ‘liberty’ to the dog. He will let the dog decides where to move and he will just follow along.

You see, if owners do not strictly control the dog,  these dogs always like to move around at its own direction with little concern to its owner. To have an obedient dog, owner need to be strict, or else the dog will want to go its way. Similarly, I believe the energy in our mind is rebellious. It always want to move around, keep exploring the mind, keep asking questions, keep reminding you of things and keep bugging you. Or worse, force you to succumb  and get obsessed to certain beliefs because the energy found a comfort zone in certain part of the mind.

This is the same reason why we can’t shut down our inner voice/chatterbox. And I believe this is exactly one of the function of meditation – to control this rebellious energy and keep it at the Core. We will control where the energy move, not where the energy want to move us. It is dangerous to be slave to our own mind.

More application of Flake Theory

Beliefs do not just limit to religion. We can apply Flake Theory to any topic which have the element of beliefs, such as politics, movements or association. Below are some examples …

• I personally have a slight doubt of the validity of global warming. A typical environmentalist upon hearing my opinion will be quick to condemn me, calling me a ‘Denier’. But really, are those environmentalist 100% sure that Earth’s temperature do not fluctuate throughout the history? Is it true that Earth’s temperature is suppose to be linear throughout its lifetime only to be ‘interrupted’ by massive amount of carbon dioxide manufactured by human today?

Or are these environmentalist already trapped in their mind? (Because environmentalist will lose a big cause to champion if global warming is not real)

• Flake Theory is also applicable to emotions. Often, we come across people who seemed to be emotionally trapped – Someone who seems to be eternally struggling with depression, angst, anxiety, and frustrations especially among teenagers.
• Some people are dreamers who kept dreaming and dreaming without taking actions. They are stuck in one region of the brain and kept thinking about the future, way ahead of their time and refuse to face the current reality. They are trapped in their fantasy.

Note: Actually, I wrote Flake Theory from a more philosophical perspective rather than neuroscience/psychological. So, I won’t dare to say this is the exact way how our mind works. But I will just say I got this idea while I was half-asleep.