Struggling with Meaninglessness

searching meaning in meaninglessness

Mega Wisdom about Humanity from Dalai Lama

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I was reading a book about Dalai Lama many many years ago, and i remember typing out word by word from the book to this post. Such an inspiring speech.

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(written in April 2010)

The Nobel Evening Address, Oslo, Norway.

Dalai Lama,The Nobel Peace Prize 1989.

Brothers and sisters,

It is a great honour to come to this place and to share some of my thoughts with you. Although I have written a speech, it has already been circulated. You know, some of my friends told me it is better to speak in Tibetan and have it translated into English. Some say it is better to read my English statement, and some say it is better to speak directly with my broken English. I don’t know. Yesterday I tried my best to be formal but today, I feel more free, so I will speak informally.

[……]

What is the purpose of life for a human being? I believe that happiness is the purpose of life. Whether or not there is a purpose to the existence of universe or galaxies, I don’t know. In any case, the fact is that we are here on this planet with other human beings. Then, since every human being wants happiness and does not want suffering, it is clear that this desire does not come from training or some ideology. It is something natural. Therefore, I consider the attainment of happiness, peace, and joy, is the purpose of life. Therefore, it is very important to investigate what are happiness and satisfactions and what are their causes.

[……]

What is compassion? The basic meaning of compassion is not just a feeling of closeness, or just a feeling of pity. Rather, I think that with genuine compassion we not only feel the pain and suffering of others but we also have a determination to overcome suffering. One aspect of compassion is some kind of determination and responsibility. Therefore, compassion brings us tranquility and also inner strength. Inner strength is the ultimate source of success.

When we face problem. a lot depends on the personal attitude towards that problem or tragedy. In some cases, when once faces the difficulty, one loses one’s hope and becomes discouraged and the ends up depressed. On the other hand, if one has a certain mental attitude, then tragedy and suffering bring one more energy, more determination.

Usually, I tell our generation we are born during the darkest period in our long history. There is a big challenge. it is very unfortunate. But if there is a challenge then there is an opportunity to face it, an opportunity to demonstrate our will and our determination. So from that viewpoint I think that our generation is fortunate. These things depend on inner qualities, inner strength. Compassion is gentle, very peaceful, and soft in nature, not harsh. You cannot destroy it easily as it is very powerful. Therefore, compassion is very important and useful.

Then again, if we look at human being, love and compassion are the foundation of human existence. According to some scientists, the fetus has feeling in the mother’s womb and is affected by the mother’s mental state. Then the few weeks after birth are crucial for the enlarging of the brain of the child. During that period, the mother’s physical touch is the greatest factor for the healthy development of the brain. This shows that the physical needs some affection to develop properly.

When we are born, our first action is sucking milk from mother. Of course, the child may not know about compassion and love, but the natural feeling is one of the closeness toward the object that gives milk. If the mother is angry or has ill feelings, the milk may not come fully. This shows that from our first day as human beings the effect of compassion is crucial.

If unpleasant things happen in our daily life, we immediately pay attention to them but do not notice other pleasant things. We experience these as normal or usual.This shows that compassion and affection are part of human nature.

[……]

Compassion and love are not man-made. Ideology is man-made but these things are produced by nature. It is important to recognize natural qualities, especially when we face a problem and fail to find a solution. For example, I feel that the Chinese leaders face a problem which is in part due to their own ideology, their own system. But when they try to solve that problem through their own ideology then they fail to tackle that problem. In religious business, sometimes even due to religion, we create problem. If we try to solve that problem using religious method, it is quite certain that we will not succeed. So I feel that when we face those kind of problems, it is important to return to our basic human quality. Then I think we will find that solution come easier. Therefore, I usually say that the best way to solve human problems is with human understanding.

[……]

Next, let us talk about the human being as social animal. Even if we do not like other people, we have to live together. Natural law is such that even bees and other animals have to live together in cooperation. I am attracted to bees because I like honey – it is really delicious! Their product is something that we cannot produce, very beautiful isn’t it? I exploit them too much, I think. Even these insects have certain responsibilities, they work together very nicely. They have no constitutions, no law, no police, nothing. But they work together effectively. This is because of nature. Similarly, each part of a flower is not arranged by human but by nature.The force of nature is something remarkable. We human beings, we have constitutions, we have law, we have police, we have religion, we have many things. But in actual practice, I think we are behind those small insects.

Sometimes civilization brings good progress, but we become too involved with this progress and neglect or forget about our basic nature. Every development in human society should take place on the basis of the foundation of the human nature. If we lost that basic foundation, there is no point in such development taking place.

The modern economy has no national boundaries. When we talk about ecology, the environment, when we are concerned about the ozone layer, one individual, one society, one country cannot solve these problems. We must work together. Humanity needs more genuine cooperation. The foundation for the development of good relations with another is altruism, compassion, and forgiveness. For small arguments to remain limited, in the human circle the best method is forgiveness. Altruism and forgiveness are the basis for bringing humanity together. Then no conflict, no matter how serious, will go beyond the bounds of what is truly human.

[……]

Now, on the question of violence and non-violence. There are many different levels of violence and non-violence. On the basis of external action, it is difficult to distinguish whether an action is violent or non-violent. Basically, it depends on the motivation behind the action. If the motivation is negative, even though the external appearance may be smooth and gentle, in a deeper sense the action is very violent. On the contrary, harsh actions and words done with a sincere, positive motivation are essentially non-violent. In other words, violence is a destructive power. Non-violence is constructive.

When the day become longer and there is more sunshine, the grass becomes fresh and consequently, we feel very happy. On the other hand, in autumn, one leaf falls down and another leaf falls down. These beautiful plants become as if dead and we do not feel happy. Why? I think it is because deep down our human nature like construction  and does not like destruction. Naturally, every action which is destructive is against human nature. Constructiveness is the human way. Therefore, I think that in terms of basic human feeling, violence is not good. Non-violence is the only way.

Practically speaking, through violence we may achieve something, but at the expense of someone’s else welfare. That way although we may solve one problem, we simultaneously seed a new problem. The best way to solve problems is through human and understanding, mutual respect. On one side make some concessions, on the other side take serious consideration about the problem. There may not be complete satisfaction, but something happens. Non violence is very safe.

Again, if there are sound reasons or bases for the points you demand, then there is no need to use violence. On the other hand, when there is no sound reason that concessions should be made to you but mainly your own desire, then reason cannot work and you have to rely on force. Thus, using force is not a sign of strength but rather a sign of weakness. Even in daily human contact, if we talk seriously, using reasons, there is no need to feel anger. We can argue the points. When we fail to prove with reason, then anger comes. When reason ends, then anger begins. Therefore, anger is a sign of weakness.

[……]

Buddhism does not accept a theory of God, or a creator. According to Buddhism, one’s own actions are the creator, ultimately.  Some people say that from a certain angle, Buddhism is not religion but rather a science of mind. Religion has too much involvement in faith. Buddhism can be a bridge between these two sides. Therefore, with this conviction I try to have closer ties with scientists, mainly in the fields of cosmology, psychology, neurobiology, physics. In these fields there are insights to share, and to a certain extent we can work together.

[……]

We are passing through a most difficult period. I am very encouraged by your warm expression and by the Nobel Peace Prize. I thank you from the depth of my heart.

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Written by elan85

June 20, 2015 at 2:22 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Fruit Fly’s Spiral of Death

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I was wondering why I had so little blog posts in 2010 and then recalled i was trying to move away from this blog to abandon my old immature writings and created a new blog. And later, i abandoned the new blog after several months for reasons I couldn’t remember. Anyway, will just paste them back with minor edits here because I thought some of the ‘new me’ writings were quite good.

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(Written in April 2010)

Many months ago, I was playing with a fruit fly in the office by using a banana skin as bait. Then, I trapped it in a small transparent container and watching it flying around inside, delightfully.

It just kept flying, flying, and flying, trying to escape. 2 hours later, it died. Most likely due to exhaustion.

Well of course, it came as a surprise for myself. I wasn’t aware that I was capable to become an animal-abuser who could torment a fruit fly to death. I was glad PETA wasn’t rational enough to categorize fruit-fly to be as important as other cute animals like cats, dogs and cows, else I would be in a deep shit and face eternal condemnation for my silly act of unintentionally killing a fruit fly. I am really glad PETA is a retarded-biased organization. Anyway.

On the other hand, I couldn’t resist the idea of why the fruit fly is such an moron. Hey, if you are tired of flying, relax, sit down and chill for a while before spreading your wings again, OK? Why would you want to go on to a self-destruct mode? Where is your common sense, fly? Don’t you have a brain you could use to think.

But hold! Actually, if you think about it, human are not too much different too. We also do indulge in this spiral of death – Cigarettes, alcohol, and drugs. How about people who keep eating despite being obese? Addictions to gambling till they loseall their fortunes. Even today, people are still using bullets and missiles to solve problems. The spiral of death is a reality which governs everything that lives – simply because life is controlled by a factor called as ‘habit’ powered by ‘addiction’. And when it solidify, it becomes a ‘mindset’. Just like the trapped fruit fly which has lost it’s purpose but only ‘addicted’ in finding ways to escape ala kamikaze style, human being often succumb to habits too.

More importantly however is – fruit fly does not have complex cognition unlike human beings, thus understandably, they operate via their animal instincts.

I think it is an insult to mock fruit fly’s intelligence when human beings are not fully taking advantage of our privileged cognitive abilities. I thought Dalai Lama was retarded when he said bees function better socially compared to human beings. I mean, ask the bee to build a skyscrapper dammit. But I start to see his point now. I understand. At least fruit flies don’t have the habit of slapping each other when they are fighting over a piece of banana.

Written by elan85

June 20, 2015 at 2:11 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

The Rules of Relationship

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I have been thinking a lot about relationship topic recently and then i had a conversation with a friend few days ago who mentioned that it’s very ‘common for couples to argue’and it’s only ‘normal to consider breaking up from time to time’. Not just this friend alone but many others too who shared with me a similar view over the last several years.

Is it just me or that it is absolutely abnormal to consider constant friction happening in relationship as normal? OK, maybe it’s just me since my super limited experience in relationship probably don’t warrant me any license to call them abnormal. Maybe it’s really the nature of relationship.

But you know what, deep down, I refused to believe it is true.

Imagine you and your best friends. How many times have you and your best friend argued and clashed over your lifetime? Maybe once or twice but I’m sure nothing more. So why do couples who are supposed to be more intimate clash more often than best friends? It’s actually quite perplexing to think about it. People think that best friends and lovers are different. But have you ever think deeper and analyze how and why it is that different?

However, the answer is not that complex once you break things down. It’s because best friends don’t control each other’s life. But couples do. When you assert control over some other people’s life and try to change them, that’s where tension rises and things get heat up. And in relationship, it’s sort of like a an unwritten rule for both the couple to have default permission to control each other’s life.

For example, if the boyfriend loves playing video games and the girlfriend restrict him of spending time playing games because she thinks it is wasting time, that creates tension. If the girlfriend loves ice-cream and dessert but the boyfriend does not let her to touch those because he thinks it makes her fat, that creates unhappiness. This is the control i’m talking about.

Instead of outright control, if i’m in the position of the girlfriend, I will try to reason with the boyfriend on why I think video games is not a time efficient activity. A discourse. At the end of the day, it is up to him to want to change the habit or not. Likewise, for the boyfriend’s scenario. It’s a choice. Just like how best friends give advice to each other but we leave it to the person’s choice on to follow or not and still accepting how and what they are at the end of the day.

I do not like such existing rule which many have ingrained deep in to their soul. The rule that we automatically can dictate each other’s life just because we are partners. And we get unhappy if the other person refused. Maybe because I don’t treat my partner as my possession who i will perfectize her like my ‘dream girl’. Because heck, i will not want her to have the expectation that she can transform me to do or be someone i don’t want to.

————

Another reason friction and tension arises in relationship is because people are not clear on why and what they want in a relationship. This is actually pretty important because it determines what sort of person do you look for to fit in to your life.

There are basically 2 layers to the reason why people want to have relationship. The first layer is physical – intimacy, desire, needs, and lust. This first layer is the easiest to fulfill and figured out. Just two person attracted to each other’s face and body and bam bam bam, there they go. But the second layer is extremely tricky. The second layer is about sharing – sharing similar interest, sharing similar life goals, sharing similar values, sharing similar mindset, sharing similar personality, etc.

From my observation, many people only consider the first layer when choosing a girlfriend/boyfriend. And to overlook the second layer, people created another unwritten rule for this to justify any differences between them – the opposite attracts. And because opposite attracts, so we are supposed to embrace the differences even if it means potential incompatibility.

Nope, I don’t agree with it. Do you notice that best friends usually share similar values and mindset? There’s a reason why it’s always easier for best friends to bond together. Now, imagine the situation where the girl loves travelling and the guy is not enthusiastic about it. This will create tension. Imagine if the guy is an introvert geek who likes to stay at home and the girl is an extrovert party animal. This will create unhappiness in long run.

Surely there’s a degree of adaptability that we can take to embrace and tolerate the differences. The threshold is different from individual to individual. But again, I’m not a fan of this rule. It is dangerous when doubts creep in the relationship like ‘maybe i could find someone else better who shares my goal’. Hence, why I strongly believe similarity attracts.

Of course, no two people are 100% similar. Perhaps not even at 80%. But i think we should consider similarity at macro level only instead of micro level. For example, if both the guy and girl love reading, this is macro level. But if one likes fiction and the other read non-fiction, this is micro level.  If both the guy and girl do not believe in marriage – it is macro level. But one believes they should sleep in the same room, another to sleep in different room, this is micro level differences.

As long as things at macro level is aligned, there will be harmony. Micro level differences can always be easily ironed out.

————

So yeah, i inherently dislike these current unwritten rules about relationship, not because i’m a rebel for the sake of rebelling but it didn’t really fit in my philosophy well. Guess what, if i’m going to set a personal relationship rules, it will look something like this.

#1 Drama and conflict averse.

Some people said that we can’t control when we fall in love with someone. But i’m pretty sure you can make a conscious decision if you want to be in relationship with this person and decide if he/she is worthy or not. And picking someone, especially if he/she turns out to be incompatible is the mother of all conflicts, fights and arguments. To find someone who understands you, no matter how weird you are, is simple – Patiently search and wait for someone who is as similar as to yourself and somewhat mirrors you. And guess what, the person you have been waiting for so long, may probably be thinking the same too.

 

#2 A relationship based on trust, freedom, and choices

I don’t get a relationship where couples spot checking each other to see where they are or what they are doing. I don’t understand boyfriends who do not allow/restrict the girlfriend to do certain things that she likes just because he doesn’t like it. I don’t get couples who need to see each other everyday, all the time.

Maybe the relationship could be something like the interaction between a cat and human. The cat finds you when it needs some food and the human find the cat when he wants to play with it. For the rest of the day, the cat does its own thing outside and the human does his own thing while with the mutual trust that the cat will return home everyday and the owner will not disappear suddenly without trace.

I actually quite like this idea.

 

#3 Obligation-free

I’m not a fan of threading the traditional study-work-marriage-buy house-kids path. At least not now as I don’t feel ready at all. I do not want to be weighed down by obligation at this stage of my life, although traditionally, i’m already supposed to be at the marriage stage by now. And for the same exact reason, I’m inherently attracted to girls who are much younger than me. Like, up to 10 years, maybe 12. Just because younger girls are more free spirit.

Remember folks, there’s no written law that human are supposed to breed at early or mid 30’s, although babies are cute.

 

#4 Helping each other be better individual, together.

I always see relationship as a two-person tag team where we work together to tackle this thing called Life. To thrive, the pre-requisite condition is to have an adaptable, curious and intelligent mind. They are essential tools for us to level up to become a more evolved and complete person. But acquiring an adaptable + curious + intelligent mind is not exactly in every person’s priority list, sadly.

 

Some may say that i’m just being hypocritical for setting my own rules. Well, that’s exactly the point. My rules is meant to connect with someone else who shares very similar rules. I’m not gonna play by the traditional rules and I will let everyone else to play it.

 

 

Written by elan85

June 7, 2015 at 6:13 am

Posted in Uncategorized

In The Name of Filial

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Read some story about some typical real life Chinese family drama story revolves around $$$ (what else). And i felt bad for the girl who was pressured to support her family financially although she is somewhat willing to do it. I think it is a very common thing amongst Chinese family.

I cannot fathom the logic of some people who have children in hoping that the children will support them back financially in the future. Isn’t that unfair to the children? That they are brainwashed through their childhood to ‘pay back’ the debt of parents who worked hard to raise them up in the name of filial and then these children are expected to be burdened financially to support them back? It is like one big ass cycle of burden which just keep looping on for generations.

Just think about it in hard logic. Push away the idea of care, love, filial and such for a moment. It is not fair to the children, because frankly they didn’t ask to be born to support the parents back in the first place. Pressuring children to support the parent back has no difference than doing emotional blackmailing in the name of filial.

It’s true, parents sacrificed a lot to raise the kids up. It’s a noble role. But it’s was a choice the parent made. Having children is not an obligation or a duty. Having children is supposed to be a passion.  When you make a choice of taking this path to raise a kid, you are supposed to absorb every difficulty you are going to face today and 30 years from today.

Here I am wondering, if I’m the only one who will feel guilty if I ever pressure my children with the expectation of supporting me back financially in the future. If I can’t support myself financially till the day I die, I won’t even want to have any children in the first place. That’s my logic. And it makes sense.

PS: My mum never asked for even a single cent from me, maybe that’s why i have the liberty to think in such a way.

PPS: Wanted to post this on FB, but gut feeling told me not to since it’s a rather controversial train of thought where it’s easy for people to assume that i have no love for parents. So yeah, to a place where nobody reads instead.

Written by elan85

May 25, 2015 at 7:06 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Of Effort and Naruto Figures

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I have been eyeing this piece of Naruto figurine for some time already, probably since last year. I couldn’t find this anywhere in Malaysia because it’s an exclusive/limited edition piece so I had no choice but to go through international sellers and they are all selling it at an exorbitant price between RM800 to RM1000. So, I just kept waiting and waiting for many months for someone to sell it at a fairer price …. and finally one day, I found a person selling it for RM500ish at E-Bay. Better yet, the seller is local.

However, the seller has 0 reviews and 0 track record. I was very hesitant to buy from an unrated seller at first. You know, it’s only normal that you fear online scams especially when an unrated seller is selling the item way below the market price. But i really wanted this item badly despite the seller’s condition of courier delivery only. So how? I e-mailed him to try my luck for COD (Cash on Delivery) where we could meet face to face to exchange the products. The next morning, he replied me with a wall of text mail, clearly explaining and giving me multiple options on how we could meet and what he will do to make sure everything will go smoothly despite the slight inconvenience for him to COD.

I was impressed by that mail. It was very detailed and thought through. I love it. I changed my mind immediately and transfer the money over to him via M2U without hesitation telling him i will want it to be delivered via courier instead. I was sold just by how he wrote the mail alone. Everything written in the mail is filled with effort.

Not only that but he also went through the trouble to change courier service that he usually use just to make sure my item is delivered right at the timing i requested (Saturday morning). He could have just shoved me off and asked me to wait for few days longer with whichever courier he is using. I don’t mind waiting to be honest since i have waited for months for this piece already so what’s few days more. But this guy here is actually worrying the timing for me. He also requested me to feedback him about the courier service because he wanted to know how punctual they are since he is trying them out for the first time.

Not only this person put in Effort to make sure the whole transaction goes smoothly but also the immense Care for every part of the selling process including the quality of courier which i think most sellers will neglect after passing the package over.

Anyway, i thought about the whole idea of ‘effort’ and ‘care’ while driving and i think the moral of the story is quite worth sharing.

  1. Always put in a lot of effort in everything you do from step A to Z. Others may not see or realized all the effort you put in but the truth is when you put in effort, it is more on helping yourself rather than pleasing others. It helps you to become a better person and naturally it will be reflected in your work and everything you do which eventually will come back to impress others. It is quite paradoxical actually – to be not obsessed about certain quality which it will come back to help you.
  1. Again, don’t do things or put in effort just to seek approval/recognition/praise from other people. You are doing it for yourself. For example, people read to fulfill their own curiosity, not to look for praises for their acquired knowledge. Likewise for putting in effort and care. When you build something so strong inside you, it will eventually be reflected to the outer world. You are missing the point if you only care for external validations rather than building yourself up. Nothing bad will come out when you give your 100% all the time. Putting in effort builds your personality.
  1. Just like Naruto, never give up and keep searching and wait patiently for the right one. I mean, the right seller. Sometimes, you will get nothing from being patient. But sometimes patience does pay off if you know what exactly you are waiting for. And when it pays off, the reward you get could be multi fold.

I have not been so impressed with an online seller before. So I left the seller a 5-star review, his first ever review from a buyer on E-Bay, and I M2U him another RM10 as tips for the good service. I have soft spots for people who does his or her business so sincerely and i hope he will have the luck to go big soon. (well because the success of business ultimately rely on some form of luck. Effort is basically getting ready to maximise everything when the luck strikes. Many people are not ready to take full advantage when luck arrives due to minimal effort)

Anyway enough of rants, have a look at this piece of beauty already. This will probably be the last Uzumaki Naruto figurine i will buy for myself. Looking forward to the pre-ordered figures I placed for Shikamaru, Itachi and Roronoa Zoro that will be coming between July-September.

 

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Written by elan85

May 16, 2015 at 10:29 pm

Posted in Personal, Philosophy

Ronn’s Top 10 Favourite anime/manga

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1. Naruto – The best manga in the universe. Everything is just complete and perfect from the dynamics of the story, character developments, battle systems and the diversity of powers and abilities. Crazy inspirational too. Also, the only thing which is closest to bringing tears to my eyes on many occasions (and i have to suck it back in to my eyes every time).

I honestly don’t believe there will be any manga/anime which can top Naruto in my lifetime.

2. Death Note – The most intelligent anime i’ve ever watched. The first 15 episodes or so is the most mind blowing psychological battle ever. A story of a genius killing criminals via a death notebook and another genius detective hunting him down. I only wish that it had ended on a high right after the death of L.

3. Attack on Titan – Not a fan of human vs monster kind of the anime as i never like morbid anime … until I realized this show is much more than that. It actually has a very deep and engaging story line about mystery, conspiracy, and politics. And suddenly i’m hooked and became a big fan of the show. The story is about some mysterious giant monsters called Titan who hunt and feed on human while a team of soldiers fighting to protect the people and towns.

(The top 3 are my personal super favourites which i will vouch with my life that they are super good. The rest, they are more of individual preferences. And i’m biased cos i like more intellectual manga/anime)

4. Liar Game (manga only) – The best manga for left-brained people. Pure logic and deductions. A story of a genius who vowed to take down the entire corporation which cheated people’s money with some smart MLM schemes in a gaming tournament called Liar Game.

5. Investor-Z. I wish there are more manga like this. I have learned so so much about investment, business, economics and the mindset of good investor from this manga alone. It’s like reading a book about investment and economics in the form of manga. I’m probably gonna read Dragon Zakura after this since it’s from the same author.

6 Slam Dunk – Hanamichi = The Naruto of basketball. Probably the most inspiring anime after, well, Naruto. A bunch of misfits competing in national school basketball tournament.

7. One Outs – A story of a genius who uses logic and strategy to beat his opponents in baseball games while handling very complex politics between him and his superiors. The author of this manga is the same guy who wrote Liar Game, so you can never expect less from him.

8. Kaiji – Similar theme to Liar Game with plenty of logic and deductions in a survival game. Not as super brainy and complex as Liar Game but it talks a lot more about philosophical aspect of life. And they are crazy insightful too. Not a fan of the graphics though.

9. Bloody Monday (manga only) – Story about terrorists vs anti-terrorists. Glimpses of Death Note moments here and there with some battle of wits. But not Death Note enough. And it went downhill towards the second season.

10. Dragon Ball – Collected the comics religiously during primary school days. I tried re-reading it, but it never felt the same anymore. The battles are super linear and there’s no complexity in the story line. Nevertheless, Dragon Ball is the pioneer and popularizer of this genre which gave birth to manga such as Naruto, Hunter X Hunter, Bleach, One Piece, etc. And since it was part of my childhood, it deserves a mention.

Worthy of mentioning: Bleach – I rate the first 1/3 of the series to be as brilliant as Naruto and suddenly the author turned drastically lazy and uninspiring in the last 2/3. They should have stopped the series several years ago and it would have been a legendary manga. Would not have made to the list if it was not so memorable in the earlier part of the story and all the epic Bankai moments.

Notable animes/manga which are pretty OK but couldn’t bring myself to fanboi them
– Monster

– Pluto (manga only)

– Full Metal Alchemist

– Code Geass

– Legend of the Galactic Heroes

– Samurai X

– Tokyo Ghoul

– One Piece

Written by elan85

May 2, 2015 at 10:11 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Random thoughts that mostly don’t matter to anyone else

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Clearing up my Notes on my iPhone. Some of my inner thoughts about self and other slightly more controversial thoughts over the last 6-9 months or so which I did not bother to post anywhere. Gonna dump it all here while i clear my Notes.

  • I don’t put a lot of importance on my thoughts no matter how brilliant i think it is. Because one, my thoughts will probably evolve and change. Two, over time, half of my current thoughts could be proven wrong or laughable. Three, ideas are cheap.
  • I really like sitting in my car listening to music and then just doze off especially in the middle of the night. Cerato is super comfortable, the speaker is awesome, my music playlist is perfect, this is such an amazing place to quiet down my mind.
  • I love reading but somehow, I  just can’t read fiction books. I couldn’t imagine how the story flows in my head. And sometimes, the high level language confuses me. I have long accepted that my right brain is retarded.
  • I cringed like mad reading back all my old writings on this blog. So damn cringyyyy. But at the same time, i was astounded with some of my moments of brilliance here and there. That’s the reason why I stay away from this blog but at the same time embracing it because this blog was part of the process to get me here.
  • Some of my ideas and thoughts for some of my writings i written 7-8 years ago are totally different than what’s in my head today. For one, my thoughts are not as meta and literal anymore. Two, i’m quite a different person than i was 8 years ago definitely. More evolved and refined. But I’m not gonna remove those writings as a reminder of how much i have grew and evolved in my thoughts.
  • Ideal girl – Introverted, simple lifestyle, curious, intelligent, geeky, strong-willed, cheerful and … plainly attractive. I can die happy even if 6/8 criteria is met.
  • Sometimes I wish that I’m a pigeon who is born with a life-partner from birth and obliviously think she is the one and only one and just get on with life till the day we die. But we are not pigeon, aren’t we?
  • Human beings can be too complicated. Too many layer of masks to decipher. I make a point to live my life without any mask, that my outside world reflects my inner world. But i realize in some situations , i had to be tactful and have no choice but to pull the mask out. It’s my lifelong goal to live life with only 1 face without mask and i’m systematically figuring out to achieve it.
  • I never ever lie to myself. Never. It’s the biggest sin one can do to oneself.
  • I strongly believe in gender equality and the rights of females. Society will never advance as long as patriarchal society is in tact.  But some feminists do really get on my nerves with their dumb extreme ideology. Maybe the females have the wrong group of people representing them. Or maybe i just dislike it when people use hate to fight hate.
  • I think humans are attaching too much association and connotation to sex. That sex is sinful, evil, pure, holy, forbidden, sacred, etc. etc. I think it’s strange people think so highly but at the same time so lowly of sexual stuffs. It’s just an intimate + pleasure activity between two beings. Nothing more nothing less.
  • In an ideal world, people should start to exercise more of their human mind and think rationally and logically rather than with their reptilian brain and just being emotionally charged for no reasons.
  • The world is actually very grim world as long as you view it with a victim mentality mindset. And i think that’s the difference between old Ronn and new Ronn. I’m more actively changing things and my ways of seeing things and stop having a victim mentality. Victim mentality is toxic. Victim mentality perpetually make you sad, angry and depress. The only way to change things is to deliberately maneuver things around. But occasionally i’m still guilty of it. At least, i’m aware about it. But the longer i live, the more i dislike victim mentality.
  • Many people are slaves to their mind. Slaves to their emotions. They listen to whatever their chatterbox tell them. They take their negative emotions too seriously. And that make them Unhappy. Stressed. Angry. Sad. Pissed. Bored. 70% of the time, I’m aware enough of the negative shit that mind is trying to tell me and I will not listen to it. I always have to be bigger than what my mind tells me. Control the mind, instead of letting the mind control you.
  • I think my mum will never understand how an introverted mind works. And I take no effort to change it. That’s one victim mentality here from me.
  • I’m not interested in ego battles. It’s fun seeing how vulnerable some people’s ego are when i poked at them but having no equal effect when they do the same on me.  People with minimal ego starts with certain advantage.
  • Fat/obese people who blame their body weight on genes are just lazy and full of victim mentality. Either you stay happy with your body size or bloody do something to change your shape.
  • Peer-pressure and societal-pressure are what holding most people’s potential back. I have seen what pressure can do to people and i’m thankful that my life is relatively pressure-free. And for that, i never like applying pressure to anyone else including to my team at work.
  • Life goal : To stay in a nicely designed studio apartment with a partner, a place where i will turn it to a mini-library with high-tech audio and video system to appease my inner geek and chill the fuck out for the rest of my life. Marriage? Maybe. Kids? Preferably not. Can i amass RM1,000,000 cash by 40 on top of everything else? That’s a big question. Oh, i wanna learn wing chun at some point of my life too.
  • Friends don’t understand how could i have dinner alone. I don’t understand why they think it is not possible.
  • I used to think Intelligence is the most important attribute in an individual. But it’s clear to me Wisdom is even more important than Intelligence. Why? Because wisdom does not only consist of intelligence but also experience, empathy, observations and knowledge. Wisdom is more complete. I think the end goal of life is to master the Wisdom domain, not intelligence.
  • I cannot get attracted to females who i don’t think is physically attractive. Thankfully, my standard is rather average.
  • Noisy kids are annoying. I have no empathy for kids. I’m being irrational, i know.
  • Few years ago, the moment i realized pessimism mindset do not hold any sort of advantage over optimism to be a more complete and evolved being, i switched and shaped myself to become an optimist. Now, I wish i could tell all the pessimists out there – Come to the optimism side. Life is much better and happier this side. Come, hold my hand, I will lead you.
  • I’m always prepared for the worse. Prepared for shit to be thrown at my way. Prepared for Murphy’s Law. Prepared for things to go wrong. Life is shit when you expect life to go smoothly. Life is only smooth when you expect shit to come at you all the time and you punch and break them down one bye one.
  • Having saying that, i also strategize my path so to avoid encountering shit if possible. Dealing with shit, most of the time, is not so fun.
  • Today a friend told me that she thinks i’m quite eligible. Quite grateful for hearing from an extroverted person as i always thought i’m a weirdo who only attracts other weirdo. Actually, I’m starting to think that i’m not as weird as I think I am.
  • Living life by bowing to circumstances sucks. I design the life i want to live in.
  • Some people only focus on their brain and neglect their appearance. Most people only focus on their appearance but pay very little attention to their mind. I realized, both are equally as important. I made a mistake by spending a large chunk of time in my younger days neglecting my appearance.
  • There are people whose reason to have kids is entirely due to pressure from their mum, aunties, grandmother and their family and friends … which is rather dumb. You have a kid because it is your passion to have one, not ‘as a duty of human being’. There is no written rule that we are supposed to breed.
  • I honestly think travelling is quite wasting money.
  • Naruto encapsulates everything i look for in a role model. But most of the time i act like Shikamaru. Maybe i will just become Narumaru.
  • I’m a walking excuse-detector.

Written by elan85

April 26, 2015 at 9:41 pm

Posted in Uncategorized