Struggling with Meaninglessness

searching meaning in meaninglessness

random reflections …

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It took me more than 12 hours over the span of 3 days to complete my previous post, Intelligence : Nature vs Nurture vs Random. This is certainly not my first time spending a great deal of time writing out a post. I clearly remember it took me a quarter to half of a day to write the post Science isn’t Strange. We Are. 

It is not as if i started writing a post from scratch without having any ideas on what to write. I have them in my head. All of them. Rather, it was the process of ‘translating’ my thoughts to words which sucked my time away. It’s pretty absurd to me – what’s so difficult writing my thoughts down? But this is in fact some pretty stubborn obstacle in me. I can still vividly recall my writing experience 18 months ago when i took 3-4 hours to construct a nice little post (roughly around 1,000 words) to support my argument in a discourse. Within 30 minutes, i received an equally long reply from the opposite side. I was like .. wtf? Is that guy extraordinary good in writing or am i just being horrendous? 18 months later, which is today, i realised, the speed of my writing did not even improved by a bit.

Talking about talent, I know i have zero talent in writing. Absolutely ‘un-gifted’. I’m slow in expressing my complex ideas in words, my vocabulary is shallow and it seems i’m prone to occasional grammar mistakes too. I was reluctant to start a blog initially. I questioned – why do i need to start a blog when i can effortless construct ideas in my head? However, i was pretty glad i gave blogging a chance. Blogging and writing is surely a mentally exhaustive and time-consuming activity for myself, but i have to admit, for some strange reasons, i think it is fun. It is fun to express my ideas in words.

As a winner of a business idea competition organised by MDeC (Multimedia Development Corporation Malaysia) 2 years ago, I thought of sharing plenty of business ideas especially on the internet and Web 2.0 arena i’d conceived all along these years. But suddenly in recent months, i totally lost my passion in business ideas. Looking back at all the blog posts i have written all these months, i noticed i have only been covering topics on science and philosophy. Ahhh… perhaps the problems and questions posed by science and philosophy is more challenging than the ones in business area? I do not know, but i know i’m enjoying what i’m writing in this blog.

I guess this is one of the rare moments where i will write something personal in this blog. I’m not entirely fond of writing personal stuffs anyway because, well, there’s nothing much interesting and colourful with my life. Strange it may sound, but i’m extremely comfortable with this dull life of mine.


Written by elan85

February 10, 2008 at 4:04 am

Posted in Personal

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