Struggling with Meaninglessness

searching meaning in meaninglessness

Life of a Conscious Mosquito

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I got bitten by a mosquito on the neck. Or perhaps some other funny insect. I do not know what insect was that, but it is surely the itchiest bite i have ever got in my life. I tried to resist the itchiness but i simply couldn’t. It was the itchiest of the itchiest bites!

While scratching my ‘wound’, i contemplated how will it be to live a life of a mosquito. I read some articles about mosquito and subsequently dwell in my imagination for a few minutes, thinking about the life’s journey… as a mosquito…. a mosquito who questions its’ consciousness.


I came to life out of nowhere. I’m a female mosquito. I see 300 of my brethren struggling to edge out of their respective larva. But family is non-existent to me. I couldn’t be bothered with their existence. So does my own existence.

I’m all alone by myself. What is this dark place? I have poor blurry eyesight. I can hardly see anything.  Doesn’t matter. All i need is the keen senses on my body. I can detect things which attracts me, as far as 50 meters away. Where do i get this ability? It is inborn. I could care less about it. I will follow where my senses and puny brain leads me to. Do i even have a brain? I’m not sure. I think i’m a mindless mosquito.

I sense many different things while i’m flying. Many strange and unknown smells. But my body tells me to keep flying and keep navigating around. My body is not interested in things which are not interesting. I adhere, and fly, fly and fly.

Suddenly, i feel happy. I don’t understand why, but i feel really happy. I sense something…. something sweet and delicious. I’m happy! I follow the smell. I reach it, land on it, and using my needle-shaped mouth, i feed on it. Apparently, this sweet juice is known as ‘fruit’ in human world. I do not bother. It is sweet and makes me happy. That’s all i care.

Four days passed since i was born. I happily feed on fruits which fill my stomach. Suddenly, a male mosquito sneaked near me. He forces himself on me! This mosquito wants to fertilize me. No matter how and where i run, this mosquito just keep chasing. Finally i give in. I do not know what this male mosquito is trying to do, but it seems something like ‘been there, done that’ sort of thing. It’s like deja-vu. I feel awkward but my body tell me to comply.

Another few days has passed. My diet suddenly swung 180 degrees. I no longer love fruits…. now I thirst for blood! Blooooood! Why? Why the sudden change in my diet? I don’t understand. This is a strange world. I’m a strange creature. I don’t understand. All i know is that i need the blood, to fertilize the eggs in my body, to continue the next generation.

I get very reactive to carbon dioxide. The scent of fruit no longer make me happy. Carbon dioxide and blood do. I can’t sense blood. But when i sting on a object which release carbon dioxide and certain odor, i will get blood. How does my body even know that? Nobody teaches me anything. I seems to have the knowledge subconsciously. A mysterious voice within me which drive my life. The ‘God’ inside me.

Whenever i sting on somebody for blood, they will always try to swat me. I have never experience this with fruits. They just let me sting. But these moving creatures always move their hands around and clapping near me. Were they trying to kill me? I couldn’t control my body. My body automatically moves when it detects shadow. My body is sensitive to light. 

The creature then grabbed a bottle and sprayed something towards me. I’m poisoned. My body feels numb and i can no longer move. I’m going to die. But what is the purpose of my life? Why am i here? Do i just live to feed on fruits and blood and flying around? I do not know. If only i have answers to all these questions.


Do draw a parallel comparison between the mini-story above with human consciousness. I do not know about you, but i’ve got to see many similarities. We are all alike with the mosquito above. But we just do not question it. One obvious common point is – how emotion drive our everyday life.

Mosquito is said to be the top bio-terrorist in the world, killing millions of people every year by spreading diseases such as malaria and yellow fever. Human malaria spreads only between human, with mosquito acting as our agent. However, animals do not get this malaria when bitten by mosquito. Human merciless see mosquito as a pest and thrive to wipe them off from the world.

This is the case where human being exercise our sovereignty over the earth to make sure we destroy anything which harm us. Ensuring humanity’s survival is the utmost important agenda in our everyday mind. We see anything which bring us harm or disadvantage as enemy. It’s instinctive.

The existence of mosquito and other insects are generally viewed as a nuisance by human being. They serve no purpose at all. To be honest, even for myself, I don’t see how cockroach and mosquito living in urban areas is important to the ecology, unless i missed something. I mean, you don’t see big lizards or frogs roam around the city feeding on cockroaches and mosquito. Or eagle catching rats in the middle of the city. They are all usually being exterminated by human using chemicals.

Therefore, in some sense, human has invaded and sabotaged the natural ecology through urbanization. So, am i gonna be a Buddha and reject modernization? No. I enjoy it, even if it means sacrificing part of the nature. However, i will not want myself to have the mindset that me, as a human, is the king of the world. It was just so happened, human has won the struggle over animals.

“Struggle is the father of all things. It is not by the principles of humanity that man lives or is able to preserve himself above the animal world, but solely by means of the most brutal struggle. If you do not fight, life will never be won.” – Adolf Hitler.


Written by elan85

February 29, 2008 at 3:51 pm

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