Struggling with Meaninglessness

searching meaning in meaninglessness

Wittiest Malaysian Girl On Twitter.

with 2 comments

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  So, I was following this cute girl on Twitter called Crystal who I thought to be the wittiest girl I’ve came across so far on social media. Well, I don’t follow many random people on Twitter, but in my tiny realm of Twitterverse, she’s on top of the list so far. Especially  witty girls. They are even more rare than unicorns.

 Humour is not all about intelligence or creativity as far as  I have observed. To  have a humourous personality,  one need to have a combination of wit, being observant, self deprecating and a bit of don’t give a shit attitude. Which is kinda a unique combination if you think about it.

 And yeah, witty girls are really attractive 😉 Here are some of her funniest tweets ..

My 16-year-old cousin’s consolation about my very small boobs is that at least my nipples are protruding. THAT BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOOBS SO GIGANTIC I CALLED HER REVERSE CAMEL

THERE ARE TOO MANY GIRLS WHO ARE UK6 IN SIZE THEY ARE SNATCHING ALL OF MY SHOPPING

Xin: How do you end an email to a lecturer? ‘Sincerely, Crystal’?
Me: Hardworkingly, Crystal HAHAHAHAH

Posting pics of Starbucks coffee cup, pile of assignments to tackle, your steering wheel.. We get it ok. Your life is as ordinary as the rest of us

I wasn’t born to be a blood bank for mosquitoes.

Appliances every kitchen should have:
Coffee maker
Toaster
Oven
Microwave
Mother

Grandma: Let’s eat something before you leave you must be hungry
Me: No grandma I’m bloated
Grandma: Nonsense how can you be bloated. Here have an egg
Me: No grandma
Grandma: (extends arm)
Me: No no
Grandma: (drops egg into bowl)
Me: No

In return I annoy her by trying to help with chores
Grandma: NO I DO THE DISHES. YOU GO OUTSIDE AND WATCH CARTOONS GO

I MISS JAPANESE FOOD BUT AS A POOR PERSON ALL I CAN DO IS CRY BECAUSE TEARS ARE FREE

The only stalkers I have are telemarketers who are trying to meet their sales target.

Slips into swimsuit and it started raining. I’m such a jinx. *collapses onto ground and tears swimsuit off* lmao jk this shit is expensive I’ll be gentle

I have fake abs line when all I do is eat. Fake because the last time I did a sit up was in my past life as a sofa recliner. I can’t say the same for my thighs though. I even named them. Russia and China.

Macroeconomics took a boxing glove and just punched me in the face.

I love bak kut teh so much I’d swim in it.

When Xiao Huang comes over and leans on me for some loving, endorphines are ozzing from my body. AND THEN he’d leave me and head towards the door and stops midway to look back at me. That bastard tried to coax me to let him out to play. BUT HE’S SOOOO CUTE ok Xiao Huang you may go out to fuck bitches but don’t bring back babies. Or do. I don’t mind puppies.

So many people getting married so many babies popping and my biggest decision today was what ice cream flavour should I go for

Me: WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT MY THIGHS WHEN I WORK IN AN OFFICE NEXT TIME
Kim: leg exercise
Me: *kicks computer away *kicks table away

My cousin said she wants to sit on my chest. That’s just cruel. I’m already flat to begin with what does she want from me 😦

On my gravestone you’ll find these carvings:

Crystal 1991 – 2013
Died from embarrassment

If using tampons mean I’d have to wear a pad to prevent leakage then… I’ll just stick with diapers.

Me: I want a pet lizard ok
Boyf: We cannot be together
Me: I’m gonna wear neon
Boyf: Bye

I’M NOT TEARING. MY EYES ARE JUST ALLERGIC TO BEAUTIFUL POEMS. Lmao the book costs 70 bucks lmao crying again because I’m allergic to high prices

They say bubble milk tea is hazardous to our health, so I hope this cup of it kills me.

Aku boleh beli keping kain sebesar China tapi seluar dalam masih lebih mahal APAKAH

I feel like crying for no reason. No, it’s not PMS. Not everything is because of PMS. Was the Pearl Harbor attacked by PMS? No, but sometimes shits happen.

Boyf: What are you doing
Me: Diving into laundry
Me: Swimming in laundry
Me: Doing the breast stroke
Me: Come up from laundry for some air

Me: What’s the oldest meat in the world
Boyf: What is it?
Me: 古老肉
Boyf: Do I know you have we ever met

Kim: (sends a Fb profile of a guy) HIS MOM WANTED TO ASK MY MOM TO HOOK US UP WTF.
Me: I highly doubt he would like you.
Me: He looks too smart for you.
Kim: OFFENDED I AM.
Me: Please shower with cold water then

I hate instant noodles that disappoint. I did not pay the price of my health to eat something that is supposed to taste damn good from the generous MSG

Me: I feel so noob with flats and black jeans and miao top while everyone else is wearing boobs tops
Kim: well if u were wearing boobs tops you wouldnt have the boobs to fill them in anyway
Me: Yes yes truth hurts so bad my heart is breaking through boobless chest of mine

Me: Linda called us the fat couple
Boyf: How now
Me: I know what to do
Me: We put sock IN HER MOUTH

I want to grow bacon in my backyard.

We were never meant to beeeeeeeeeeee (A skirt on sale is now sold out so I’m singing breakup songs)

The best part of KFC is the skin.
Cashier: Hello. Welcome to KFC. Eating here or take away?
Me: Eating here. I’d like the fried chicken skin please.

If I had boobs bigger than my head, I’d use it as a portable table.

Boyf: Do you know that every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passed?
Me: DO YOU WANT TO DIE IN MY HANDS

One of the greatest mysteries in the world is HOW IS IT THAT WHITE BEDSHEETS ARE FAR MORE EXPENSIVE THAN PRINTED ONES

The only thing standing in between happiness and I is pms

I DON’T WANNA SPEND MONEY ON SANITARY PADS ANYMORE I COULD HAVE BEEN RICH. t(-_-t )

I look at my handwriting and I get hit by depression.

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Written by elan85

October 15, 2013 at 8:14 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

2 Responses

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  1. Interesting, btw what’s her twitter username? 😉 would love to follow her.

    Shannon Chow

    October 15, 2013 at 10:09 pm

  2. yea me too

    whats her twitter account?

    edwinsoh

    October 15, 2013 at 11:56 pm


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