Struggling with Meaninglessness

searching meaning in meaninglessness

One Week In Taiwan

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photo (2)

Day 1

– KLIA. Such an unintuitive location for an airport location. So far away from city and civilization and everyone needs to pay so much to take a cab there. And all you you see while going to the airport are trees, cars and billboards.

– If first impression is important, I think KLIA has a pretty much failed in such location. Imagine if you are a tourist who is excited to travel and you land in Malaysia. After checking out and collecting your luggage, you feel mega excited to see how KL is like. But you will have no choice but to spend the next one hour staring at trees and billboards in the bus or cab before you see civilization.

– Wow the Taiwanese custom officer assumed that I can speak mandarin after seeing my Malaysian passport. Not even one hour of stepping in to the country already like this. Die la.

– But well, i do speak mandarin to a certain extent , so challenge accepted~~~

– Observing how restaurants in Taipei  handle customers during peak hour. Their efficiency and services level are quite mind blowing. Something to learn for everyone who does Operation work. How they move large chunk of customers in and out while providing top services in a systematic way

– Not every Taiwanese girls are pretty, but most of them really know how to dress up well

– I have a theory that the majority of good looking Chinese girls have Hokkien or Cantonese blood (Chinese from South East China region) That’s why you will hardly find pretty Chinese girls in Shanghai or Beijing but plenty in Malaysia, Indonesia, Singapore, Taiwan, HK.

Day 2

– Doesn’t matter if it is 8am, 12pm or 5pm .. Taiwan’s sky is always looking gloomy.

– IQ question. Ronn dislikes overly crowded places. And Taiwan has plenty of crowded places. Therefore Ronn dislikes Taiwan. Is the statement above true or false?

– Taiwanese food is pretty bland. Less sugar, less salt and less oil. Mamak food lover would have raged at Taiwanese food because even Maggi goreng has more flavor than the noodles here. But I very much like it because Mamak food sucks anyway.

– Nothing is overly sweet here. Soya bean, chocolate drink, ice cream, orange juice, even fruits too. Traveling 4000KM away helped me realize that Najib’s “kurangkan gula dalam minuman dan tambahkan manis dalam senyuman” is the wisest quote ever by a Malaysian prime minister.

– After buying some new pants and shoes in Taiwan, I feel scammed back in Malaysia to pay up to Rm250 for a pair of shoes. I just bought a Zara-looking shoe for Rm65.

– The secret of how Taiwanese youngsters have good fashion sense – everything is cheap from shoes to pants to shirt to bag to wallet. Basically, with cheap fashionable clothes everywhere, they have no excuse not to dress up properly.

– It is quite a duh-ish thing to say, but it just gave me the realization on the importance of economic incentives to shape behavior. If the country want people to dress up well, make nice clothes come cheap. If the country want to make people tech savvy, make technology cheap. Make them so affordable to the point people have no reason not to adopt it. So what do Malaysia want us to be? Malaysia want us to be fat with all the sugar in mamak food.

– By now, you should roughly know how much hatred i have for mamak food.

– Taiwanese people are generally quite civilized, drivers are sensible, road is clean. Kinda reminds me of Singapore but less developed in terms of buildings infrastructure.

– But for such an organized country, it is quite perplexing that it is hard to find rubbish bin around. I have been holding the empty food packets for like 2o minutes already.

Day 3

– “Which university are you from? What are you studying? You look very young” Stahp it … Stahp!!

– When it comes to underpromise and overdeliver, my age is a massive failure in this respect.

– Mindblowing fact – Just realized I have yet to see even a single cat in Taiwan. I have a conspiracy theory that all cats have been eaten up by dogs to assert their dominance of stray kings.

– Or perhaps Taiwanese are pet-ist and exterminated all the cats already.

– Was imagining how would it be like to be a horny male cat walking around the street with no other female cats around.

– Every tourist has a major obsession of taking photos during holiday … I don’t share and understand such obsession. Leave me alone with the trees, mum.

– I strongly believe I’m the only one in this world who does not value photography while traveling. I have zero attachments to photographs.

– People like to feed koi fishes at the spot where 99% of the fishes are fighting and struggling for the food pellets. I like to feed the 1% who are at the other end who didn’t give a shit.  The non competitive ones.

Day 4

– I finally found groundbreaking evidence for Nature vs Nurture debate. Just compare the mindset of Malaysian Chinese vs China Chinese although we have the same ancestors. Eureka.

– The Chinese people have the longest human civilization history among all ethnics and races in this world yet they still need to shout to each other’s face as a form of effective communication

– People like to describe food in such an exquisite detail of how delicious certain dish is as though all food can be ranked from A to F. In Ronn’s world, there are only 2 states food can belong to – Uneatable and eatable. And I just ate half of the fish the aunties and uncles complained as being not fresh and smell.

– After several days of hanging in this country, I got a gut feeling Taiwanese English is slightly poorer than Shanghai people’s English.

– A girl wearing a nice sexy low cut dress riding a motorcycle. For two seconds, my brain couldn’t compute what  I just saw

– Still no cats sighted. As each day pass by, my theory is becoming more legit.

Day 5

– Culture shock! Restaurant is full. A pair of Taiwanese girl asked if they can share table. Once given the nod of approval, they immediately dropped their handbags on the chairs and walked off to grab their buffet breakfast. As a guy from Malaysia, I can’t help but to stare at their unattended handbags with evil intentions.

– Was deeply observing and analyzing parrots saying ‘Ni hao’ and ‘hello’ and suddenly got disrupted by mum to take picture. I was this close to have a Nobel Award-worthy discovery on universe and languages until I was sabotaged by humanity’s vanity.

– There is something really peaceful about Buddhist monastery. I think the birds played a major part to create such impression.

– Hot Taiwanese girl checking Ronn out. For two seconds, I am feeling like the handsomest guy in the world

– Spending a great deal of time on the bus,  and the 3G coverage in Taiwan is amazing whether we are on top of the hill or at the countryside or at the beach area.

– Really love the road system in Taiwan. Special lane for public bus and taxis hence they never get stuck in jam. And bus stop like in every 500 meters.

– Saw some squirrels. And still no cats.

Day 6

– After several days here, I conclude there are only 2 main reasons why you go to Taiwan – 1. Visiting hills or 2. Nightmarkets .. If you are not doing any of them, the trip is kinda pointless.

– All bungalows in Taiwan are open gated.

– Everywhere I travel, i always feel depressed seeing how confident the people in their country are towards public security.  I’m not a fan of criticizing the government, but we have to admit Malaysia isn’t really taking any drastic steps to restore public confidence in security.

– Of all the meals I had in Taiwan, the buffet dinner in Park View’s hotel is the best meal Ronn had in his so many days here. They serve only lean meat, no bones, international flavour, fresh and plenty of variety of dishes. I always value practicality over everything else. I don’t give 2 cent shit about uniqueness if it is not practical.

– Lobster and crab are perfect examples of impractical food – expensive, little meat, tedious to eat, messy and … Expensive. Give me chicken any day.

– In Malaysia, all the brand outlets are inside the shopping malls. Here, you can see Nike and Adidas shops on the streets.

Day 7

– I have watched Ip Man like hundred of times. Guess which movie I am watching on the plane out of hundreds of movie selections? That’s right … Ip Man. Girls, take note. Ronn’s loyalty to his favourite things is unparalleled


Written by elan85

May 18, 2014 at 8:16 pm

Posted in Storytelling

Life Is A Game?

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In The Beginning ….. 

Several years ago, I was a hardcore follower of the political scene in Malaysia. I fervently follow political news everyday back then and can’t help myself but feeling like everything is heading towards doom in Malaysia. Economically, the country’s future is looking bleak and not prospering as we should. In terms of talent, there seems to be a lack of competent people governing the country. And all the news we read daily about corruptions and dumb and illogical statements made by ministers made my blood boil. You know, the usual things which make urban Malaysians very frustrated, sometimes angry.

But soon, I realised I actually got frustrated more by the feeling of frustrations rather than what was going on in the politics. I have always dislike dwelling in negative emotions – sadness, anger, hatred, depression, etc. I’ve always thought these emotions are waste of energy and does very little in contributing anything positive to self. In the words of Frank Underwood, there are two kind of sufferings in this world – suffering which makes you stronger and better, and useless suffering which does nothing but pain.

And politics is like an emotional blackhole which just kept sucking my energy away causing pain and there’s nothing I could directly do to change things.

Finally, I sat down with myself to figure out the main source of my frustration. I knew I had to kill this blackhole monster. It just took me few minutes and the answer was simple really. I’m not really worried about racial tension, riots, inequality, opportunities, etc. It’s the county’s economy. I’m afraid Malaysia will become a poor nation. If the country becomes poor, so will the citizens too. The notion that Malaysia is economically incapable terrifies me because it will snowball all the way to me and affects every aspect of my life.

With this insight, I reconstructed my daily habits since 2010:

  1. I stopped reading political news altogether. For daily happiness.
  2. Political apathy. I no longer side or against any political parties to detach myself emotionally from political stuffs.
  3. Developing my own financial plan. The solution is quite simple actually, if I ever become rich, and even if the country’s economy collapses, I will be relatively less affected compared to people who are not financially capable.

It has been 4 years since the day I stopped following political news. And I’m not exaggerating when I say my life is happier since ditching political news.

I have friends with similar fears about Malaysia, and many jumped ship to another country to ‘escape this imminent doom’. And when my friends asked why am I not considering leaving Malaysia, my answer has always been – Because I like playing game in hard mode.

What initially was a tongue in cheek response slowly made me realised  that I actually applied life-hack on myself back then. And I’m starting to see that no challenges is too difficult to overcome as long as we have the right perspective about it. And my perspective? I’m starting to see all life problems similar to challenges in games which requires the player to be smart and skilful to overcome them.

 The Game 


The little hacks I applied on myself helped me greatly to level up in two areas over the years. One, it sharpened my objectivity. For example, I realised the economic situation in Malaysia is not as horrible as propagated by most people. And two, I grew to dislike victim mentality, which I believe, many Malaysians are guilty of.

When you start having the perspective to solve every challenges in life like a game, you will start taking problems less personally because in life, challenges are given and expected. Whenever you are faced with an obstacle or challenge, it is not because shit happens, but because it is part of your game’s mission to solve it. There are some things we need to know about the nature of problems/challenges in games:

  1. All games WILL HAVE challenges and obstacles. You cannot escape it. The only way is to face it. Because without challenges, the game is meaningless.
  2. When you play the game, you don’t invest or attach your emotions to solve problems. All problems must be solved objectively, strategically and effectively.
  3. You may fail more than once in the game, and sometimes you will have to will keep trying again and again until you succeed.

The good news is most challenges can be hacked, I believe. You will always need to optimize your solutions or systemise things or finding the most effective path to clear the game.

And to be honest, I find such perspective to be extremely empowering. The fact that everything in this universe which niggles with your emotions or feelings – you can actually kill it off by optimising your life.

The merit of equipping yourself with such mindset:

  1. You will always be  ready to face challenges and problems and taking them in stride.
  2. Less emotional attachment to things hence less fear of failure/embarrassment
  3. Naturally make yourself to think objectively all the time. You will always find the most optimal and efficient ways to solve problems.
  4. Life will be about levelling up and acquiring new skills/abilities.

Recently, I’m beginning to apply this system to my life, area by area. I wished I had gained such perspective much earlier, but I guess, it’s better late than never.

Written by elan85

April 6, 2014 at 7:58 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Ronn’s Creative+Funny Writing on OKCUPID

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More than 2 years ago, I came across a TechCrunch article about OKCupid, a dating site which I thought to have a very intelligent algorithm to match compatibilities between individuals based on a series of profiling questions. I signed up, snooped around to study how the mechanics work just for curiosity and then became inactive shortly because it was not so populated back then

Several months ago, I revisited OKCupid again to see how the site has evolved after all these years. I was impressed by the growth. I have not tried many other dating sites before, but I can imagine people over there is actually much more genuine than other sites because of the effort the users took to really write out their profile. I noticed most people have very serious profiles about themselves. And I thought … what if I write something really dumb here instead?

Since I’m not at all serious into online dating, I’ve decided to bombed my profile with some funny writings.

Took me 2 weeks+ on and off to write all of these but I really enjoyed the whole process. Quite challenging because I’m not a naturally humorous person. I love self-self-deprecating humour and I think I’m pretty good at it due to my natural habit of observing many things. I love hyperbole humour because it involves a lot of imagination and I always try to incorporate it to my writing.

It’s 90% complete at the moment as I’m having some writer’s block. You can read it here : 

or below. Will update again once I have ideas on what to write for Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food section.
Grateful of my grandfather who took a boat and escaped from China all those years, or I could very well be assembling iPhones in a factory right now.

Alright, the joke above was so good I shamelessly stole it from a friend of mine. But no problem because Steve Jobs is my hero and he told me it’s OK to steal.

I’m allergic to cute Korean girls especially Tiffany Hwang. I always get breathing difficulties every time I see her pictures acting all cute. Especially her leggy pictures. Those pair of glowing legs … they make my nose bleed. I swear it is the allergy. Really.

I like going to Starbucks on weekends to drink RM15 coffee while bringing my Macbook along acting like a sophisticated sir who knows shit about coffee. And then pee it all out at night right before I sleep. Smelling the aroma of the RM15 pee in the urinal bowl – Makes my life feeling complete.

When I’m broke at the end of the month, I will get angry and complain on my Facebook about Malaysia’s rising cost of living and how I could not afford RM15 coffee anymore. Just like many other Malaysians, I’m a douche like that.

Complaining about expensive restaurants. I once went to this restaurant and they audaciously charged me RM1.00 for a glass of warm water. I was so mad I flipped the table, stormed to the toilet and drank pipe water while praying to Sun Wukong to save me from this humanity’s madness.


I’m an ordinary guy who looks like a typical ah beng due to my lack of fashion sense and boring hairstyle. I refused to accept such inglorious reputation however, so I read crazy shit stuffs like science, economics and many other management and business books to pretend to be an intelligent scholar. I’ve conned my friends into believing that I have Einsteinien level of intellect but the truth is, I’m just pro at googling most of the time.

Keyboard with a perfectly working caps lock button.

As a certified keyboard warrior, I strive to win debates after debates against internet trolls to bring peace to the online world. I like punching trolls so hard till they fall off from the internet. It does not matter if I debate about religion, politics, science, or ideas, as long as I have the caps lock on and a killer one-liner to greet their mothers, my superior logic always win. Something like this:


Every time I banish a troll to eternal embarrassment, I can hear George Carlin clapping cheerfully from the heavens as the world will have one less idiot.

I have this fantasy that pigs in slaughterhouse will one day gain high level of intelligence, realised how badly they have been fucked by humans and subsequently unite to wipe us all out. Sort of like Planet of the Pigs on rampage.

Not sure how pigs will fight us with their useless short legs but i suppose they can chuck in some high-tech weapons inside their big nostrils. You know, like launching torpedo by snorting emphatically. And probably holding a dynamite or two with their curly tails too. The pigs will of course win the war eventually because they could breed and multiply faster with their 30-minutes orgasm that man can only envy.

If I ever write a book about this story, I shall call it – The End of Bak Kut Teh As We Know It.

Great mind discuss ideas, small mind discuss people. And here I am … discussing about pigs.

I like going to the playground to do pull ups and flex my imaginary 42 inch chest to distract small kids who are on swings and see saw. I always have small boys running over telling me that they can’t wait to start puberty and hope one day they can become as manly as myself. I’m glad that I could play a part to help shape and inspire the society. Malaysia Boleh.

There was once I saw this really pretty girl with one hell of a sexy tight body and the nicest ass I’ve ever seen eating a bowl of Bak Kut Teh … It was so friggin’ hot, I swear I couldn’t resist but to secretly snapped a picture with my iPhone like a true pervert.

I know this is supposed to be a personal secret and it’s wrong to secretly take picture of someone but it’s hard to hide the fact that I will get weak on my knees and my blood go all rushing every time I see a bowl of hot and delicious Bak Kut Teh around.

Written by elan85

January 11, 2014 at 8:21 pm

Posted in Storytelling

Ronn’s Super Logic to Happiness: Lessons from fat people

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I was watching a TV show the other day, not sure what’s the name again but it was some IQ-lowering bimbo show which i will never  want to watch again.

There was this part of the show where somebody called this girl fat. And she dished out a statement which I swear I have heard countless of times coming out from female’s mouth (or social media statuses).

“I’m very happy with who I really am and my size.  People have no right to comment about my body and should just keep the opinion to themselves. Who are they to tell me what I should or should not do?”

And I thought there was something not right with her tone. If she is REALLY happy with her body shape, why is she sounding so pissed and so desperately defending her ego? Happy people always accept who they truly are and care less about what other people say or think.

Aha! Maybe she’s not really happy. Just words to disguise her true feelings. Like a mask. Pretending that she is not hurt by the words.

In the past, there were people commenting that I have boring sense of fashion. I laughed it off and thought that they were pretty true. I’m OK and happy with simple and plain fashion. So their words weigh almost nothing to me. And then some people commented that I have skinny fat. That took me quite aback. I immediately halved my rice intake ever since and started going swimming to lose that tummy while gaining some body mass.

But rarely will I go into denial mode telling the world that I’m happy yet feeling pissed at the same time.

It could be because I’m a guy, who usually cares less about many things. Or maybe because unconsciously, I’ve been applying a logic flow in my head to solve problems. Now, let me share with you the secret of having daily happiness – I call it Ronn’s Super Logic to Happiness.

Let’s use fat people as example again. Let’s say you are fat.


Someone calls you fat. Is the statement true?

– IF NO. Either the person who calls you fat is hallucinating or you are in denial. Make sure it is not you.

– IF YES. Goto Step 2


Look yourself in the mirror again. Are you truly happy with your body size when people label you as fat?

– YES. I’m super happy. I have embraced my fatness since long time ago and I always laugh along when people call me fat. I eat that burger now.

– NO. Actually, deep down, I really want to be slim and look good. Goto Step 3


FIX IT. You need to do something about it to fix the problem and make a change. Eat less, more exercise. Conscious efforts.
EMBRACE IT. If after attempts to fix it but still not working, then you will have to learn on how to embrace and accept it as part of your life with pride. 

IF YOU DO NOTHING. If you are not happy yet not doing anything about it or refuse to embrace it- You will be trapped in a perpetual state of limbo being confused with life, not knowing what exactly you want, wondering why the world and people are so cruel with words, starting to not give a shit about people yet at the same time craving or hoping for acknowledgement from others. You will never be happy because you are perpetually confused with everything but hope that someday things will turn out fine.

Nope. Fairytale does not magically happen in life.



IMO, the toughest part of using Ronn’s Super Logic is the ability to look at the mirror and be 101% completely honest with oneself. The rest are pretty easy. We have been lying to ourselves so frequently on daily basis that we convieniently forget about our true self. The habit could be so bad that some people are always in denial about things. Or unaware what the true reality is. Like you know …. those people who auditioned for American Idol, got booed off by Simon Cowell, and still they think they are one of the best singers around. Best example ever.

Ronn’s Super Logic to Happiness can be applied everywhere across your life with the same 3 steps model –

1. Is It True?

2. Are you Happy?

3. No – Then fix it.  If it can’t be fixed, then accept it. 

Imagine some accusations I’m about to throw at you. (like typical aunties and uncles always do). Which makes you unhappy? Fix it with Ronn’s Super Logic of Happiness!

– You are not successful in your career!

– Why your boyfriend/girlfriend so boring one?

– You are not matured! Still acting like a small kid

– Why you always dress like a grandma/grandpa?

Some people believe that opinion of other people does not matter. But not for me. I always listen to all comments/feedback/opinion/criticism of others about myself. I like the harsh truths where I can judge for myself if the statement holds water or not. Or if the statement matters. If statement not true, ignore. If true, then act or fix the problem accordingly. Avoiding the reality and lying to oneself is the biggest sin someone can do to themselves.

Happy New Year, and hope this will help you to achieve all of your 2014 resolutions. Peace.

“Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.”
~Tyrion Lannister (when he was called a dwarf)

Written by elan85

December 31, 2013 at 5:47 pm

Posted in Philosophy

Wittiest Malaysian Girl On Twitter.

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  So, I was following this cute girl on Twitter called Crystal who I thought to be the wittiest girl I’ve came across so far on social media. Well, I don’t follow many random people on Twitter, but in my tiny realm of Twitterverse, she’s on top of the list so far. Especially  witty girls. They are even more rare than unicorns.

 Humour is not all about intelligence or creativity as far as  I have observed. To  have a humourous personality,  one need to have a combination of wit, being observant, self deprecating and a bit of don’t give a shit attitude. Which is kinda a unique combination if you think about it.

 And yeah, witty girls are really attractive 😉 Here are some of her funniest tweets ..

My 16-year-old cousin’s consolation about my very small boobs is that at least my nipples are protruding. THAT BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOOBS SO GIGANTIC I CALLED HER REVERSE CAMEL


Xin: How do you end an email to a lecturer? ‘Sincerely, Crystal’?
Me: Hardworkingly, Crystal HAHAHAHAH

Posting pics of Starbucks coffee cup, pile of assignments to tackle, your steering wheel.. We get it ok. Your life is as ordinary as the rest of us

I wasn’t born to be a blood bank for mosquitoes.

Appliances every kitchen should have:
Coffee maker

Grandma: Let’s eat something before you leave you must be hungry
Me: No grandma I’m bloated
Grandma: Nonsense how can you be bloated. Here have an egg
Me: No grandma
Grandma: (extends arm)
Me: No no
Grandma: (drops egg into bowl)
Me: No

In return I annoy her by trying to help with chores


The only stalkers I have are telemarketers who are trying to meet their sales target.

Slips into swimsuit and it started raining. I’m such a jinx. *collapses onto ground and tears swimsuit off* lmao jk this shit is expensive I’ll be gentle

I have fake abs line when all I do is eat. Fake because the last time I did a sit up was in my past life as a sofa recliner. I can’t say the same for my thighs though. I even named them. Russia and China.

Macroeconomics took a boxing glove and just punched me in the face.

I love bak kut teh so much I’d swim in it.

When Xiao Huang comes over and leans on me for some loving, endorphines are ozzing from my body. AND THEN he’d leave me and head towards the door and stops midway to look back at me. That bastard tried to coax me to let him out to play. BUT HE’S SOOOO CUTE ok Xiao Huang you may go out to fuck bitches but don’t bring back babies. Or do. I don’t mind puppies.

So many people getting married so many babies popping and my biggest decision today was what ice cream flavour should I go for

Kim: leg exercise
Me: *kicks computer away *kicks table away

My cousin said she wants to sit on my chest. That’s just cruel. I’m already flat to begin with what does she want from me 😦

On my gravestone you’ll find these carvings:

Crystal 1991 – 2013
Died from embarrassment

If using tampons mean I’d have to wear a pad to prevent leakage then… I’ll just stick with diapers.

Me: I want a pet lizard ok
Boyf: We cannot be together
Me: I’m gonna wear neon
Boyf: Bye

I’M NOT TEARING. MY EYES ARE JUST ALLERGIC TO BEAUTIFUL POEMS. Lmao the book costs 70 bucks lmao crying again because I’m allergic to high prices

They say bubble milk tea is hazardous to our health, so I hope this cup of it kills me.

Aku boleh beli keping kain sebesar China tapi seluar dalam masih lebih mahal APAKAH

I feel like crying for no reason. No, it’s not PMS. Not everything is because of PMS. Was the Pearl Harbor attacked by PMS? No, but sometimes shits happen.

Boyf: What are you doing
Me: Diving into laundry
Me: Swimming in laundry
Me: Doing the breast stroke
Me: Come up from laundry for some air

Me: What’s the oldest meat in the world
Boyf: What is it?
Me: 古老肉
Boyf: Do I know you have we ever met

Kim: (sends a Fb profile of a guy) HIS MOM WANTED TO ASK MY MOM TO HOOK US UP WTF.
Me: I highly doubt he would like you.
Me: He looks too smart for you.
Me: Please shower with cold water then

I hate instant noodles that disappoint. I did not pay the price of my health to eat something that is supposed to taste damn good from the generous MSG

Me: I feel so noob with flats and black jeans and miao top while everyone else is wearing boobs tops
Kim: well if u were wearing boobs tops you wouldnt have the boobs to fill them in anyway
Me: Yes yes truth hurts so bad my heart is breaking through boobless chest of mine

Me: Linda called us the fat couple
Boyf: How now
Me: I know what to do
Me: We put sock IN HER MOUTH

I want to grow bacon in my backyard.

We were never meant to beeeeeeeeeeee (A skirt on sale is now sold out so I’m singing breakup songs)

The best part of KFC is the skin.
Cashier: Hello. Welcome to KFC. Eating here or take away?
Me: Eating here. I’d like the fried chicken skin please.

If I had boobs bigger than my head, I’d use it as a portable table.

Boyf: Do you know that every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passed?


The only thing standing in between happiness and I is pms


I look at my handwriting and I get hit by depression.

Written by elan85

October 15, 2013 at 8:14 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

One week in the land of Ching Chong Ching Chong.

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Day 1

  1. Chinese people don’t give a shit about airplane rules. No going to toilet before landing? Goes to toilet. No mobile phone while landing? Talk on the phone like a Chinese.
  2. Chinese people are so cheapskate, they don’t even wanna give free WiFi in an international airport.
  3. The soya bean in Shanghai is so much nicer than Malaysia’s. Yes, I travelled 4,000KM to other country just to try out and compare their soya bean.
  4. Took the Maglev train and travelled at 430KM/H. My trip is complete. Not sure what to do for the next 7 days.
  5. Horning is the national pastime for the People Republic of China
  6. Chinese people don’t give even more shit about rules on the road. Traffic light is meaningless as cars and bikes turn as they want. Zebra crossing is only for zebras and humans are crossing the road like a human.  Cars coming at high speed? Don’t give a shit, crossing the road is more important. Welcome to the metropolitan city of Shanghai
  7. Good news, folks! When it comes to first world infrastructure, third world mentality, Shanghai beat Kuala Lumpur flat on both aspects.
  8. Wanted to say beating us as flat as Chinese girl’s chest. Luckily got awek Melayu to tahan abit #ifyouknowwhatimean
  9. But to be fair …. I think the reason for this is because the development of the city is so rapid, it outpaces the mindset of the people. I believe given enough amount of time, eventually the Chinese will evolve to be slightly more sophisticated creatures and catch up with the modern times.
  10. I like how China has the vision of turning Shanghai into a global financial hub to compete with the big 4 – New York, London, Singapore and Hong Kong. That vision alone has revolutionised the entire city and country on many levels. I think every country needs to have a vision to be among the best in certain industry, especially in industry which does not rely on natural resources. Japanese did it with electronics, German with automobiles, Korean with entertainment, Singapore with services, US with almost everything. In this aspect, Malaysia is far behind with the lack of vision. When the oil and timber run out in the next 20-30 years, Malaysia can suck thumb and eat dirt.
 Day 2
  1. Customer service in Shanghai still have a long way to go. The Chinese is usually with their wadafak-you-want angry face or i-dowan-to-live-on-this-planet-anymore gloomy face.
  2. In the outskirt of Shanghai, there are many houses which have Russian-influenced design. And it looks like toybox.
  3. Went to a tea plantation specialising in selling Long Jing tea. The lady is making a very convincing sales pitch of selling green tea to tourists by using health benefits as angle. And the killer part is when she demonstrated the “positive effect” of green tea. She mixed water + rice, symbol of drinks and food, with iodine, the symbol of poison, and then used green tea to ‘neutralise’/detox’ the poison by making it sinking to the bottom of the cup. But as a guy from marketing background, Ronn always know sales pitch is usually 20% facts and 80% idealism (which could turn into bullshit if over-idealised). I don’t doubt the benefits of green tea, but to sell it as though it is a magical drink which cure all sickness and diseases? But the water + rice + iodine + green tea part was indeed a very clever trick to convince aunties and uncles. I have to give them that.
  4. Good thing I self-learned Mandarin when I was a teenager. I could understand 90% of all the things the lady was saying. Thank you Happy Sunday and Guess Guess Guess.
  5. Chinese people can even upsell stuffs to sell in a museum. Seriously respect. Only In China.
  6. Shanghai girls’ butt are generally flat #observationofabuttguy
  7. Whenever I see a cute girl riding a bicycle in the middle of highway especially at night, I feel like donating all my money to her so that she can buy herself a car to go home safely.
  8. A:  Why are Shanghai girls butt flat?
    B: Because they have Chinese genes?
    A. No. Because they sit on bicycle all the time. #antiantijokechicken
  9. When a mother who gives in to peer pressure easily is with a son who doesn’t give a shit about peer pressure and they both are surrounded by a bunch of aunties, shit can get pretty intense.
Day  3
  1. Sweet sour pork is the one dish which is consistently good whether you are at Shanghai, Hangzhao or Xuzhou.
  2. Visiting temple is something I fear the most. Kneeling to some random statues that I don’t even know. Doing some superstitious rituals that I don’t even understand.
  3. If I’m going to kneel to this dear random statue, I will wish for him to drop me a perfect girlfriend from the sky.  Preferably rich too so that I can tumpang her to buy all the shiny gadgets I want in the world.
  4. Around 30% of Chinese people who drives new mid-range cars like Volkswagen, Audi, Hyundai and Toyota actually wind down the window while driving. My hypothesis is they are doing it to save petrol since air-cond takes up around 10-12% of petrol consumption. Perhaps many of them bought a car with the fact they are financially struggling to pay for petrol. #chinesepeopleveryjagamuka
  5. Wanted to order ice-cream from McDonald’s … but the menu is all 100% in Chinese and I don’t even know how to read and pronounce Sundae in Mandarin. I think to make things foreigner friendly, all food outlet should intelligently label their food with some code in the picture. Like A3 for McFlurry or B5 for Vanilla Sundae etc. Then I could just point my finger at the picture and shout like Chinese always do – GEI WO YI GE B5!!
  6. Money spent after 3 days – 5 yuan for the soya bean. Not sure what to do with the rest of 1995 yuan in my wallet since I couldn’t spend it on McDonald’s. =(
  7. The amount of pretty girls in Shanghai is too damn low! #MalaysianAmoisFTW
  8. There is one part of Xuzhou which was invested and designed by Lee Kuan Yew + Singapore. Honestly, I would want to stay here if I ever move to China. So well organised, modern and structured. And the fact that Lee Kuan Yew invested tonnes of money to develop this area from an empty ground in 90s to a populated suburb area today, it does shows some high level of ingenious and visionary in him.
  9. One of the sights in China which I can never get used to – So many young girls walking alone on the street at night. A sight which I can never almost see in PJ and KL anymore. The fact that Shanghai is so much more safer than PJ/KL made me shed manly tears for our country.
Day  4
  1. Food in Malaysia is much better than food in Shanghai. Even food which don’t need to cook like grapes also nicer in Malaysia. Oh wait, we imported that.
  2. If there is one thing I quite like about Shanghai, it will be their proactive effort to take care of the environment. They make you pay 1 yuan for plastic bag, having recycle bins everywhere, low air cond temperature, and even reminds you not to waste food.
  3. Shanghai’s street is so much more cleaner than Kuala Lumpur it makes me wanna cry.
  4. I think the bad habit of littering are at the same level but Shanghai is more proactive to clean the street while the cleaners at Kuala Lumpur are perpetually hibernating.
  5. At every corner of Shanghai city, they will have policemen, guards and cleaners to take care of the city and making sure everything is in order.
  6. Rumour has it that tourguide earns 30% commission on all the stuffs tourists buy at certain location. So their true job is actually doing sales?
  7. Peretto 80/20 rule is one those models that I can apply in almost everywhere.. Even here, I can safely say 80% of the tour guide’s commission came from 20% of the tourists.
  8. Following tour is one of the lousiest way of travelling. But it is the easiest and most convincing way to organize a trip to far away land among older people. Simply because it gives certainty – where to stay, what to eat, where to visit … everything is set and organised.
  9. But it is certainly not something the younger people do. 6 years ago me and another 3 friends travelled to Bangkok without knowing anything about the city. We just relied on the one simple map we got from monorail station and it brought us to many places for the next 4 days. Yes, that one map.
  10.  In this sense, I think Bangkok did an excellent job. They systematically placed monorail stations nearby all the attraction places, and just one killer map cum brochure to systematically recommend places for tourists to go.. Within 3 or 4 days, you would travel one big round of the entire city and feeling that you have travelled properly.
  11. With more and more younger people doing the explorative style of travelling plus all the information we can get from the internet, I believe tour travel industry could die off within the next 30 years.
Day  5
  1. Ling Shan temple is so beautiful it will make you want to convert to be a Buddhist instantly.
  2. The Grand Buddha is so tall even the real God will be intimidated by his size.
  3. At Nanking’s Japanese Invasion Memorial … an event where 300,000 Chinese were massacred by the Japanese. A moment of silence …. for Japanese’s easy victory over the Chinese
  4. I bet RM0.20 that the number 300,000 was inflated. Just because.
  5. New words learned in China while seeing two Chinese arguing on the street – CHAR NI DE MAMA!!!
  6. Didn’t charge my phone. My brain is dying with the phone battery. No further observation will be made for the day.
Day 7
  1. There is this group of Chinese people who speak like Korean, look like Korean, fart like Korean but they are not Korean..
  2. Even with the number game of billion population they are playing, I think there are more pretty Malaysian girls than Chinese girls. Quality over Quantity, ftw.
  3. This hot Chinese girl is the girlfriend of this ugly Chinese guy. I was this close of kneeling down and kowtow to the guy and call him sifu. This close.
  4. To those who are curious how is it like to go China with tour agency. Here is the breakdown of the time spent.
    2/5 – In the hotel sleeping + resting
    1/5 – In the bus travelling
    1/5 – Eating and travelling at tourist places
    1/5 – Travelling to some random shitty factories and getting upsell like shit with those sales girls flocking the shit out of you like ravens pestering you to buy their shit when their products are all old shit stuffs like jade pearl silk tea herb who da shit care about all these shit?
  5. One of the tour guide’s kungfu is to tell you shitload of random cock stories and then suddenly incept you why you should buy shit from this place they are about to bring you. Money should be spent to enjoy your life kononnya.
  6. Never ever serve bad dishes to Malaysians. We will know. Even before we stick our spoon to the food. Except for Ronn. Everything not horribly cooked will taste the same for him.
  7. Have you ever seen sparrows smile before? I swear I just did in Shanghai. Any creatures which lives in a 22 degrees environment everyday will be the happiest creatures on earth. Ronn included.
  8. The hottest butt I have seen in Shanghai so far belongs to a Spanish girl. Just need one Spanish girl to sapu bermillion million China girls.
  9. For every 100 of steps you take in China, one of them will land on a random old sweaty Chinese uncle’s spit.
Day 7
  1. Please rotate faster to the west side, sun. Getting bored with the trip already.
  2. No gym for two weeks = chest shrunk. Life of an ectomorph T_T
  3. The Chinese keep talking about how they have one of the fastest train in the world, even faster than Japan’s bullet train.
  4. The spirit of Ketuanan Cina is strong here. But at least their Ketuanan Cina spirit is based on something – to create a Chinese imperialism by conquering global economics and making a mark by creating global breakthrough… And they are already doing it. Ketuanan Melayu on the other  hand, believe that waving keris to Malaysians will make the whole world tremble.
  5. If I pray to the deity in a temple in Shanghai and the fella don’t deliver my requests, can I ask for refund for my donations and incense money?
  6. One killer tip to cuci mata in Shanghai. Go to high class shopping malls. As high class as possible. Girls a class above who know how to dress up well, with beautiful hair and 3 inches-thick make up are all concentrated there.
  7. Having saying that, good looking girls with minimal make up and simple appearance are still the most attractive for Ronn. But Ronn still like to see hot girls with nice hair and few inches thick make up. Maybe just like everyone else, Ronn doesn’t know what he wants.
  8. I’m surprised that Ronn is surprised that he likes watching Chinese acrobat shows that is surprisingly entertaining.
  9. Am I the only one who have the twisted nature of hoping one of them will fall flat on their face when they are flipping like 20 feet up in the air but at the same time hope that it will not really happen? OK Ronn really doesn’t know what he wants.

Day 8

1.  Balik Rumah. Camwhore


Written by elan85

September 30, 2013 at 11:28 pm

Posted in Storytelling

Compilation of Ronn’s best FB Status Updates.

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The last one year has been great. I think 2013 is my favourite year so far among all my working years. I’ve grown and matured in many aspects and certainly enjoying the journey for now.

I’ve also shifted my interests over the last one year. From science and philosophy, I’m more interested with economics, management and strategy in general recently.  Even my personality has shifted, something I discovered few weeks ago … from INTP to INTJ.

More significantly, I think my thoughts and insights are getting more polished than ever. It is especially glaring when I compare how I conceptualize my idea several years ago with the way how I do it today. This blog itself is an evident.

I think one of the greatest benefits of having a blog is to be able to peer into the mind of your younger self – the way how you think, your mindset, ideas etc.  And to be honest, I cringed quite badly every time I read back all the old posts I’ve written several years ago. The insights and ideas were great, but they were mostly horribly written, with plenty of grammar errors, crude, lengthy, and dry as a bone.  And some were quite immaturely written too.

Same can be said to all the Status Updates I’ve been putting up for the last 4-5 years on my Facebook too.  Some were so bad, I didn’t believe I actually wrote them. But they were all part of the process, I guess

Despite that, some of the FB Updates I’ve written I thought were actually pretty insightful and witty.  If there’s one thing which never really changed over the years, I think it is my style of humour.  I may not have the spontaneity to be a funny guy in conversations, but I do enjoy very much crafting humour with words and will want to do it more often

Took some time to compile them, but these are all my personal favourite FB status updates I posted on my Facebook between Late 2009 to Late 2012.

PS: Some of them were edited due to grammar … and for prettification reasons. 


11 October 2009
Klang 6km run epic moment : A dude was blasting Japanese techno anime-ish music with his speaker phone … and I tragically got outran by him. His otaku aura was so powerful, I gracefully accepted my defeat

13 December 2009
Today, a dude asked for my name. I told him Ronn Yeo. He wrote my name down as ‘Romeo instead. Maybe I should ask my dear Juliet to give him a slap later.

7 February 2010

How to chase a big fat cockroach away? Shine torchlight on it while smacking the floor with a t-shirt to create some air pressure.  Because of science, i’m dealing with a cockroach without killing it, I’m such a nice guy.

13 February 2010
If we keep insist on being productive, will we ultimately be slave to productivity?

3 March 2010
My neighbour paid RM 2,000 for her daughter to learn swimming. I paid RM0 by learning from my friends. There are things in life you don’t friggin need money to buy.

7 April 2010
People in my area felt earthquake tremors and building shaking this morning. I could feel it too. But I’m not sure whether it came from Sumatera or Lionel Messi.

27 April 2010
Saw some middle eastern chicks with really hot asses in KLCC. So hot, I need to tweet bout it to release the heat across the internet

26 May 2010
North Korea and South Korea could go to war soon. To all the South Korean hot chicks BoA, Hyori, and SNSD, I’m offering you my house for shelter. No thanks, you are welcome.

28 July 2010
100,000 turtles, dolphins, whales, seals are killed by plastic marine litter every year. I think it is about time we educate these lovely creatures that eating plastic is not really smart.

30 July 2010
People are still talking about RON95 and RON97. They have no idea how bad they made RONN10 feels

30 July 2010
Friend : My Macbook Pro can support medium settings for Starcraft 2. Not bad.
Ronn : When you paid RM4,000+ for a machine, you better pray it can support Starcraft 2.

9 August 2010
Looking at the goldfishes, I think their sole purpose of existence is waiting for me to feed them food.

12 August 2010
I’m starving and it’s Chinese Ghost Month now. I swear I will smack those Hungry Ghosts with slipper if they dare to touch my char siew rice at home.

19 August 2010
The amount of sugar this mamak stall put into my roti pisang and milo ais is making me believe they are on a mission to get my legs chopped off 10 years from now.

27 August 2010
Dane : “If Ronn gets bad service in Starbucks, he will just chill with it … then go home Facebook rant about it. If I get bad service, I will fuck them upside down properly … but will still also Facebook about it.”

30 September 2010
Friend: Do you think goldfish sleeps?
Ronn : I asked my Goldfish before and it said ‘blurp blurp blurp blurp’. Do you know what it means?
Friend : I think they are telling you to fark off.

4 November 2010
“Fabulosity is a term I coined to describe all things being fabulous”, said Kimora Lee. Dumbosity is a term coined by Ronn to describe all the dumb things people said on TV.

29 November 2010
If I turn on the pipe water and accidentally drown the ants, will this be considered as a natural disaster in their world?

21 December 2010
Mum gave me stale nuggets to eat. Took me 3 bites before giving up the nuggets. Needed the 2 extra bites to verify if the mother is really trying to poison the son.

13 January 2011
Sepandai pandai ah Beng itu pecut, akhirnya kena brek dekat trafik light jugak

30 January 2011
Uncle Lim knew we are going to collect Angpow from him, so he made a landslide to stop us from going up to his casino. But he forgot about his cable car. Oops.

24 February 2011
Whenever some ah beng lansi me with his tailgating skills on the road, i’m always half-tempted to show him my jam-breaking skills too.

2 March 2011
A Chinese dude with heavy english accent in SS2 kopitiam “why is it so hot here? can we sit somewhere cooler?” … Sir, McDonald’s that way please ————>

4 March 2011
I thought there is a law which prohibit lousy food in Ipoh?I just ate a lousy chicken hor fun at Gunung Rapat which seems kinda popular at night. Can I sue them?

1 April 2012
Why do when people laugh, there’s only one style of laughing – “Har Har Har Har” .. why can’t it instead be “Ku Ku Ku Ku” or “Da Da Da Da” or “Su Su Su Su” or “Rah Rah Rah Rah”?

12 April 2011
Proof that gender equality is an illusion – Lady cleaner can clean male toilet but male cleaner cannot clean female toilet.

30 April 2011
FFFFFFFUUUUUUU they are charging RM0.70 for a glass of warm water. Excuse me while i go to the toilet to drink pipe water while praying to Sun Wukong to save me from this humanity’s madness.

30 June 2011
Transformers could go down as the only movie in history where everyone expected that it will suck badly but still watch it anyway.

2 July 2011
Honestly, I do not know which is more sinful – killing animals for fun or wasting food. Because it seems to me, both situations are essentially, implicitly, the same.

7 July 2011
Do you notice nobody sings Michael Jackson’s songs in karaoke? Because no matter how good your singing is, when you sing MJ’s song, it will sound horrible instantaneously

15 August 2011
Mum: What fish do you want to eat?
Ronn: Hmm.. catfish.
Mum: Is the catfish fresh?
Lady boss: Yes, look it is still swimming there.

Ronn turns his head and look at the catfish swimming happily around in the aquarium. Suddenly feeling horribly guilty. Seriously.

15 August 2011
To honor the fish, I swear I will finish eating it up. And if I can’t finish it, I will feed the 2 cats which are staring at me right now.

16 November 2011
Been working for 12 hours straight everyday for the last 3 days. At this rate, I will get to show my new kungfu skill in futsal court tomorrow – sleeping mantis tackle, yawning tiger run and dreaming phoenix shot.

19 November 2011
At My Elephant restaurant, there’s this girlfriend who was wearing a sexy blue V-dress (front & back) while the boyfriend was wearing a plain t-shirt and short pants waiting for table. I swear i heard her mumbled ‘I don’t want to live on this planet anymore’ from 10 tables away.

23 November 2011
Evangelist : “The God and Bible have already proved that the core of the earth is made of fire 3,500 years ago! Can any human at the time possibly know there is fire at the centre of earth?”

Ronn : “Any human who have seen a volcano before 3500 years ago would have probably figured out that there is fire under the ground”

Too bad the evangelist did not even stop and think about my perfect logic but continue preaching instead. *shrug*

29 November 2011
Should i kill this mosquito which is flying around in my room? If yes, then im killing a creature unnecessarily. If I let it go, it may bite me later while I’m sleeping. Come on, mozzie let’s solve this. Either you bite me now so that i have reason to kill you or fly out from my room now before you do anything stupid.

I know, you know we just wanna live a little bit longer in this planet, so i help you and you help me lah, ok? #midnighttalkcock

24 January 2012
It’s indeed the truth that money is firmly attached into Chinese culture’s mindset. Just observe all the Chinese New Year 1-liner greetings – 50% of them are somehow related to wealth. Even fast food burger also have to be named Prosperity Burger.

27 January 2012
The awesome moment when you are checking a pretty girl out through the glass’ reflection and she is also staring at you via the reflection. *swoons like an amoi*

25 Februari 2012
Hari ini, semasa saya bermain game Mini Dice di rumah Uncle Lim, saya me-witness-sasikan probabilities yang sungguh logik-defying. Saya tidak faham apa ketahian yang telah terjadi tapi mujurlah saya ada tahap kesabaran yang berkobar-kobar. #losemoneyuntildontmakesenseanymore

5 March 2012
Saw Shokubutsu’s Active Guard’s TV ad with Chef Wan saying – “These days bacterias are getting very smart!” I went into dafuq mode for 15 seconds because i couldn’t brain the logic of the sentence.

16 March 2012
America is the best with wordplay and euphemism. Instead of saying ‘price increase’ or ‘increase of rates’, they are calling it “annual price adjustment” … suddenly it sounds as though this is something they have to do every year, not because they want to, but due to the force of nature.

21 March 2012
I see driving around PJ and KL road as a game – the avoiding potholes game. And it gets even more fun when the challenge is to drive over the potholes in between the car tyres consecutively.

4 April 2012
If I reverse my car and knock the fella behind me in the traffic, can i bluntly accuse the fella of hitting me instead? I mean, how will the police and other people know except for the victim?

11 April 2012
Casino, a place where people have the illusion that they can control their destiny.

11 May 2012
Why do Negro get offended when they are called or labelled Negro when they are really are a group of Negro?

20 May 2012
Went to casino. Paid 200 bucks for 2 cups of orange juice…. If you know what i mean.

13 June 2012
Nose has been crying like a bitch since I came back to Malaysia. Probably because it is missing the cleaner air in Singapore.

15 June 2012
What happened : Many people are taking sick leaves because of the haze and dry weather.
What really happened : Ponteng work because of Euro 2012.

15 July 2012
Sneezing while brushing teeth. The aftermath.

31 July 2012
Myth : Ronn is a hardcore KPOP fan.
Truth : Ronn has stopped listening to KPOP since 5 years ago. Ronn only occasionally streams SNSD and Tiffany’s videos for fun while waiting for his hair to dry at night like a princess… Because believe it or not, it is more fun to see some pretty girls than staring at an empty wall.

Myth : Ronn has plenty of KPOP songs on his iTunes playlist!
Truth : Ronn only listens to Korean electronic, electro pop, underground hiphop or emo ballad music. Ronn is allergic to KPOP music because for every one second a mainstream song is played, a bunch of brain cells in his head die.

Myth : Ronn likes everything Korean.
Truth : Apart from SNSD, Samsung monitors, some Starcraft players, or maybe Kia Forte, there’s nothing else Ronn likes about Korean stuffs. Not even something as funky as bimbimbap.

Myth : Ronn is obsessed with Korean female celebrities.
Truth : If you give Ronn 60 minutes, he would probably only spend 17 seconds looking at Korean celebrities and the rest of 59 minutes & 43 seconds philosophizing why pigs can’t fly.

Myth : Ronn likes girls who look like Korean and want to marry Tiffany Hwang.
Truth : That’s probably true….. Marry me, Tiffany!

16 August 2012
Read quite a number of FB updates and tweets recently about girls commenting on Fifty Shades of Grey. Only girls can talk about porn so openly without sounding like a hamsap pervert.

29 August 2012
As a male species who is supposed to have superior navigation skills, I find Curve’s parking to be extremely confusing. It’s not me. It’s you, Curve.

11 September 2012
Shoe Size Conversion is one of the most inconsistent things in the universe. Every different sites gives you different set of numbers. US size, UK size, Euro size, and Ronn’s size when-giving-a-roundhouse-kick-in-your-face.

11 October 2012
Robert Kiyosaki just declared bankruptcy. It looks like … *putting on shades* Somebody has become a poor dad now… YEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

26 November 2012
Strategy when eating at a fully packed Chinese restaurant – Order the most common food to cut waiting time. Fried Rice!

1 December 2012
Malaysians like to complain not enough money … Not enough money to live a luxurious life they can’t afford.

23 December 2012
What happens when you are sleeping on your back facing straight up, with runny nose and then suddenly you sneeze in sleep? It’s like getting cummed on the face.

25 December 2012
Someone from Happy Mansion is singing karaoke of the classic Beyond’s song 海闊天空 quite badly off key … and then the sunny sky rained immediately. Too good to be coincidence. I think I’m starting to believe in God.

25 December 2012
A girl is sitting roughly 5 metres away from Ronn, choking Ronn with her fragrance. I think the girl needs Ronn’s tips on the art of applying fragrance sensually. First tip, if the fragrance is “smell-able” more than 1.5 metres away, she is doing it wrong.

Written by elan85

August 10, 2013 at 11:51 am

Posted in Uncategorized